I have been hearing the phrase "You are exactly where you supposed to be" and I just couldn't make sense of it. Not only because I didn't like where I was but because I couldn't understand in what world would anyone put themselves into a hurtful situation. And all of a sudden the penny dropped. It all made perfect sense. And why wouldn't it?
Yes, my situation may not be ideal, it is quite far from what I would like it to be but I just understood that I have put myself in this position and only I can take myself out of it. I had to take responsibility for my actions as well as my inactions and have a good sober look at what kind of life I have created for myself. I had to drop the victim mentally and stop blaming others for what grieve they have caused me and take control of my life, my decisions, my thoughts and my actions.
When we are kids we rely on adults to look after us and to love us and approve of our actions. This is one of the most helpless periods we go through in our lives because of our dependability. We do try to retaliate, we do try to get our voices heard but the grown ups constantly keep on telling us that we do not know or we will never understand and that we have to keep listening to them only because they think that they know better. The truth is that, yes, they do know better about some things but not about all things. Regardless, as kids we tend to internalise every little or big comment that we have received or if something unfavourable happened in our lives we tend to blame ourselves for not being good enough, not being obedient enough and so on. All this internalisation affects our life in the adulthood. Please do not understand me wrong, I don't blame the parents as they do the best that they can and probably, or in most cases, this is not the best for us.
Having said everything above, it did make perfect sense to me why I made some decisions in my life, why I picked certain people in my life to be with, why I was behaving in certain ways that have hurt me. So now having this clarity about why I am in the position I am, I can decide either to start changing my life and to shape it into a much better one or to keep blaming others for the pain that they have caused me and just shrivel for the rest of my life and contiue living it in pain.
I have made my decision. What is yours?