Updated: Feb 8
Self sabotage..... A fantastic thing in our lives. On one hand it keeps us being stuck in the rut but on the
other hand it shows us what is in the way of our happiness.
Why do we sabotage ourselves? These are the 6 reasons:
We FEEL guilty about something that happened in the past and because of that we THINK we should be punished
We FEEL ashamed about something that happened in the past and because of that we THINK we should hide away or supress our feelings
We FEEL broken because something happened in the past and because of that we THINK we should appear whole
We CARRY blame for something in the past and because of that we THINK we should carry all the burden
We FEEL unloved and because of that we THINK we should be perfect
We FEEL imperefect and because of that we THINK we should imitate
We have been taught, it had been drummed into our MINDS that we are imperfect, we should feel ashamed for this and that, otherwise we don't deserve to be loved, noticed and appreciated.
I can give you an example with me. I have never been skinny but I wasn't fat either. My weight used to be healthy until at the age of 10 I had to be admitted into a hopital outside of the town where I lived. My mom wasn't allowed to stay with me, so just imagine a 10 year old, in a hospital, all on her own. I was so scared, I was terrified, there was noone to soothe me. The hospital was big and I was afraid to leave the hospital room because I thought I will get lost. I even dreamt about getting lost. It was truly terrifying. I felt guilty because I was poorly, I felt ashamed because I didn't know my way around the hospital, I felt unloved because I was left on my own, with the 2 visits per week my parents were allowed to. I had to supress my feelings, I had to be brave and not to show my fears nor my need to be hugged and soothed. So I started soothing myself with food. I have put on 2st (12kg) of weight and I felt even more ashamed of myself because now I was fat and everyone was laughing at me. This lead to even more self soothing with food.
Fast forward 5 years I am overweght, not severly but still overweight and my mom decided to put me on a diet because she thought this will make me happy, So the vicious cycle of dieting started and continued until the age of 41, when I had a nervous breakdown and I started eating, yet again, uncontrolably and I have put on 6st (40+kg) within a period of 6 months. In the next couple of years I have done nothing for different reasons but since the COVID 19 pandemic started I have had the time to start looking deep inside me and to start looking at the reasons why I self sabotage myself and what I can do about it. After trying different techniques with variable success the steps below have helped me the most:
Find the reason why you feel ashamed, afraid, unloved etc.
Sit with that feeling. Make space for it. Notice where do you feel it in your body. Do not judge it. Do not try to run away from it. Just feel it
Once the feeling feels less intense ask yourself the question "What feeling am I reaching for now?" and feel that feeling
Ever since I stopped running away from my "negative" feelings, I started to love myself more, I started to care about myself and for myself more. Although I am still overweight My eating habits started changing effortlessly and now I even eat and enjoy vegetables. This is huge as I am not a great fan of vegetables LOL